Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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