how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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