3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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