worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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