I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
