its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
God I need to hump something, right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
