Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
