Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
