I'm so fucking centered right now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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