I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
