Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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