I think my fart just growled at me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
