cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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