Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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