my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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