If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
