dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
