Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
