You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
