Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Girls should come with a carfax report
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
