I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
