i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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