Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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