can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
