please come you make the beer taste better
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
