and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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