i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
