I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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