There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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