I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
