So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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