I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
