I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
