What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
