We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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