Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
