I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
