never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
