I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
