don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
