There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
