I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
