Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
