I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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