VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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