Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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