What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
