Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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