I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
