I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
