waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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