but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
