I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
